The Strawberry Letter 23

STRAWBERRY LETTER FOR TODAY

Date: 07/24/2008
Subject: Needing Advice

Hello Steve & Shirley, I have a serious issue that I need help with. I have been in a relationship with someone for 5 years. We are not married but we live together. I have contracted gonorrhea 3 times in the course of our relationship. I need to tell you that I have not had sex with ANYONE but him for 6 years so there is no doubt it came from him. Each time I confronted him about the issue he always says, "I messed up, I love you, don't leave me." And of course I have not left him yet. I was cured from the last infection about 1 month ago and I am at a point to where I do not believe I should continue in any type of relationship with this man. He is the bread winner in our relationship and has never had a problem with providing for me. I work also, but he foots the majority of our bills. I go to my friends about this and there answer is always, "Girl, atleast you have a man." I do not see the logic in their answers if I am always in a constant state of emotional turmoil to his frequent infidelities. He tells me that if I was willing to do more experimental type sex, then he would not have any reason to "get it" from someone else. In response to that, I know I have to "satisfy" my man sexually as a part of our relationship but some things I just do not feel comfortable in doing with him because of the fear of contracting diseases vaginally as well as orally. I am at the point to where I do not know what to do but I know I do not want to continue to be unhappy. Sign, Needing Advice

YOUR COMMENTS ON THE STRAWBERRY LETTER! Comments can be submitted Monday-Friday Only!
Name: Linette Age: 36 Radio Station: WBLS 107.5 FM New York, NY Type your Comment Here I can't believe this person needs someone to tell her what to do, give advice or what ever. She should have left him from the start with after the 1st time he gave her the infection. SHe keeps accepting his nasty behavior, he's gonna keep on doing it, (honey do you have any insides left.) 3x's ghonaria, are you crazy!! If you cherish your self, you would have not let yourself have unprotected sex with him after deciding to stay with him. Wake-up girl and find yourself and love yourself!! There is no way this man loves you if he is able to give you the same disease over and over and over again, he loves himself! You see how he can so easily go and have unprotected sex with other females or ____, and then come and have unprotected sex with you, that's not showing you that you are the apple of his eye, that is showing you that he cares only about how he feels and he wants to feel good all the time! Why don't you follow his lead and start caring about your feelings and emotions,& put yourself first. Don't be afraid of change in your life, change is good. Find yourself and change your situation girl!!!
Name: Evette Age: 46 Radio Station: WBLS 107.5 FM New York, NY Hello to everybody. For needing advice. Not meaning to sound cruel to you. But, I wonder how old you are? I don't think that you really need any advice. I just think that you need to stop, think and use your common sense. I know when you are in a marriage, or a relationship, and the situation is a little rocky, or uneven, you can easily feel like the underdog in your own situation. Especially when you are counting on your partner to provide as you say, that in your case he is the bread winner. This is why it is important to maintain some form of independence for yourself. Although you did say you work, it sounds like you need to do certain things to make him happy, and there is nothing wrong with pleasing your man. However, there is definately something wrong, when your man is hurting and not pleasing you. Monies or no monies. You need to love yourself first! You have gotten a disease that was treatable. what happens if you get the one that is not. I mean the one that stays with you for the rest of your life. what will you do then? You need to think, and make some personal choices while you hopefully, still can. Good luck!!!1
Name: Lori Age: 35 Radio Station: WBLS 107.5 FM New York, NY Wow. Sweetie you are already unhappy. I know you love him, but do you love yourself? This man has infected you 3 times. Are you waiting for Aids? Sweetie, pull yourself together, pray, do something, but stop doing him. Why are you so obligated to satisfy your "man", but he is not obligated in at least making you an honorable woman by marrying you. Then he makes you feel it's your fault for him giving you diseases because you are not fulfilling your sexual obligations. Honey, please, love yourself enough to pull yourself out of this treacherous relationship. So what he pays the bills. You survived before him and you can survive after him. Problem is you have been dependent on him for so long you are afraid to depend on yourself. Been there. But let me be the first to tell you that you can do it. Try reading the email you sent and replace it with a person you love, like your sister or mother and ask yourself then what would you do. I really hope you make the right decision. You owe this man nothing, you owe yourself plenty.
Name: Gladys Wells Age: 58 Radio Station: WBLS 107.5 FM New York, NY I do not see where the confusion lies -- after contracting the STD the first time, I would have left him. Even though you stayed with him after the first incident, why didn't you tell him to wear a condom or there would be no sexual relationship?Clearly, he is lying to you and using you - CLEARLY. Please do not continue to be a doormat for him or anyone else -- it only gives you grief and destroys your health. You are more important than you treat know. GOD loves you, so you should try to love yourself. In addition, please seek a specialist to take care of your medical problem ASAP. I wish you the best out of life, but you also have to want that for yourself. GOD Bless, Gladys Wells
Name: Shomari Age: 17 Radio Station: WBLS 107.5 FM New York, NY YOU SHOULD HAVE DUMPED HIM THE FIRST TIME YOU CONTRACTED GONORRHEA. AND I'M SORRY BUT YOU ARE THE STUPIDEST OF THE STUPID TO STAY WITH SOMEONE WHO GAVE YOU A SOCIAL DISESE NOT ONE, NOT TWICE, BUT THREE TIMES. YOU NEED TO BREAK UP WITH HIM AND GET YOUR LIFE STRAIGHT
Name: bklynmom Age: 38 Radio Station: WBLS 107.5 FM New York, NY Wow...this was a hard letter to read and digest. This is one of those letters that I'll think about long after I've read the comments and moved on to other things. It's very sad to think that any woman...whether black, white, in the US, or abroad that doesn't realize her own self worth and value. As much as some of us women reading this are going to feel disbelief, shock, some condesencsion, and even a little anger (how dare you woman!); the reality is that this woman's thinking didn't happen overnight. Somewhere along the lines this woman was not valued as a person growing up and this is the end result. I would bet that this woman was never valued and praised for her mind and the contributions she could make in life, but probably praised for her looks or how she could please someone. I'm sure years of feeling de-valued have led to this and her thinking is not going to change overnight. Sista, I hope you're reading these comments because this is a life or death situation that you need to address regardless of your feelings for this man that "provides" for you. Many of already mentioned the risk of HIV. This is very real. And unfortunately the black community is not tackling it heads on like the gay community did in the 80's. The gay community made it clear that lives were too precious to lose, and unfortunately the black community (including the church) think that if they bury their head in the sand and not address sex (in all forms...whether down low, gay, or straight with cheating partners), then it will go away. Well, it hasn't gone away and it's only going to get worse. There is nothing wrong with sex. It can be a beautiful expression of emotions (and yes, it's great on just the sheer physicalness of it too); but sex with anyone when your physical safety is at risk is frankly an abusive situation. That you aren't able to (or want to) leave this relationship is very serious. You mentioned that he provides for you. Well, I'm with with Shannon...I'd rather be homeless and celibate than have sex with someone like him. At least with that you'll have your health and your life....and when it comes down to it, these are the MOST important things in life. If you're not able to think of yourself because of your lack of self esteem, then think about your future kids and grandkids...what a shame they not know you if you play with fire and die from AIDS. I don't care if this guy is making 100 million dollars and you live in a mansion with limos, it's not worth this emotional and physical abuse. Please lose your friends too...because they have a very limited mindset if they think it's better to "have a man" (whatever that means since he's obviously not YOURS), than to be concerned about your health. Please, please, please, if you know any woman with common sense, please call her and speak with her. You need some motivation. I wish you could move out TODAY because yes...it is THAT serious. I could go on and on, but out of respect to the other commenters, will wrap this up...Sista, in time you will discover your worth. In the meantime, fake it till you get there and just adheed the advice you'll read...you have to move on immediately. Move in with family (not one of your friends that gave that advice); and just do you! Don't worry about your 5 yr relationship. It's not for you. It's a win/win for all because now he can have all the experimental sex he wants and risk his own body with gonorrhea and HIV. Let him be. You haven't respected yourself in 5 years from staying with him; but it's a brand new day and this can stay in the past. Just look deep within. No matter how many people have de-valued you, YOU have the power to dig deep and see that you have a beautiful soul within you that deserves nothing but positive things in her life. Best of luck. We'll be pulling for you.
Name: Faith Age: 41 Radio Station: WBLS 107.5 FM New York, NY Good morning all. Needing advice...you need a new man and better friends too. "At least you have a man" is the worst response possible when you tell someone your man is bringing you disease. Even if your man stepped out because he wasn't satisfied what would prevent him from putting on a condom?? You don't feel safe having sex vaginally or orally...so what do you do for him? Stop being stupid and get rid of this loser. All that is keeping you there is his money. If you need to earn more money you need to get a better job. This man doesn't love you and you are just a live in, paid for, piece of tail.
Name: Shannon Age: 28 Radio Station: WGCI 107.5 FM Chicago, IL You've got to be retarded....the answer is.....leave his *ss alone. He done gave you that "nasty womans disease" 3 times. The first time should have said enough for you. Are you waiting on him to bring you HIV/AIDS, because thats whats gonna be next. Girl get out and get your own money and be your own breadwinner. Thats is NOT a good reason to stay with a man, because he pays all the bills!!!! You mean to tell me you'd rather have yo bills paid, along with a few STD's a year...than to have your health and happyness? I'd rather be homeless and celibate, than to be waiting on my man to bring me HIV/AIDS......you do know that African-American women are being infected with AIDS at an alarming rate...girl you need to really look in the mirror!
Name: SHAWN STEWART Age: 37 Radio Station: WGCI 107.5 FM Chicago, IL Young lady why are you allowing this man to misuse you? It's obvious that he can't accept the responsibility of a committment.Don't compromise your health and well being for this man. Honestly speaking you have been blessed not to have contracted AIDS.Beware the beast awaits you!brotha man is hitting that spot(lol) that's why you haven't left. P.S. FLY, FLY, FLY.
Name: Loretta Age: 47 Radio Station: WGCI 107.5 FM Chicago, IL Girl, what is wrong with your legs???? Did the disease effect them as well? If not, where is your self esteem? You need to get out as fast as you can. It is unbelievable that you keep putting up with this. And your friends, what the HELL? Have we gotten so desperate to have a man that we will put up with anything? Risk our health and lives? Come on sistah you have got to wake up, I don't know how old you are and that is not important, common sense comes in all ages. PLEASE USE IT!!!
Name: jacqueline Age: 46 Radio Station: KRNB 105.7 FM Dallas, TX Girl, you need to run and don't look back. Let you Girl friends have him.
Name: TERESA Age: 37 Radio Station: KRNB 105.7 FM Dallas, TX I WILL NOT BE SWEET AND NICE I AM GOING TO GIVE IT TO YOU STRAIGHT!!!!! WHAT IF HE WOULD HAVE GAVE YOU HIV THE VIRUS THAT CAUSE AIDS. THREE STRIKES AND YOU'RE OUT. YOU HAVE ALLOWED HIM TO PUT YOU AT RISK AT LEAST YOU HAVE BEEN CURED THERE IS NO CURE FOR HIV. IF YOU CONTINUE IN THIS RELATIONSHIP PLEASE BY ALL MEANS HAVE HIM TO WEAR A CONDOM AND IF HE DOES NOT WONT TO LEAVE BREADWINNER OR NOT DON'T LET HIM BE THE CAUSE OF YOUR DEATH. HIV KILLS IT'S REAL. GOD BLESS.
Name: Kyla Age: 28 Radio Station: KRNB 105.7 FM Dallas, TX So do you want to wait until he gives you HIV/Aids or some other uncurable disease before you move on? You have got to be kidding me. He does what he does because he knows that you are silly enough to stay and put up with it. Girl move on and if your friends think that much of him let them have him and his std's.
Name: cynthia Age: 54 Radio Station: WHUR 96.3 FM Washington DC It is time that you take care of yourself and let this man gooooooo.
Name: Air Age: 31 Radio Station: WHUR 96.3 FM Washington DC WOW!!! I don't believe that you have to ask anyone what to do. How old are you? Better yet do you read the news papers or look at the news? There is a 4 letter word that can kill you. AIDS!!! What if it wasnt something that the doctor could take care of? How much does he love you that he would cheat and then cheat unprotected? How much do you love yourself that you would knowingly put your life in danger by sleeping with him again unprotected? Regardless of the fact that he is the bread winner you need to leave, dont say thats the reason that you feel it's ok to stay. In this day and age man or no man you will live but if you continue on this path you will NOT live because next time might be the last time that he brings a special gift home to you. Grow up, be a strong woman and do what you need to do financially. Get a second job if need be. As for your so called friends if the only advice that they can give is at least you have a man they arent your true friends. What would they say at your funeral? At least she had a man even though he cheated and killed her???!!!
Name: Kris Age: 44 Radio Station: WHUR 96.3 FM Washington DC It sounds like you are already listening to your friends. If they are telling you "at least you have a man", yet you are still there I am not sure why you have a question. For that matter, you know what you should do. Why are you asking Steve and crew? If one of your girlfriends came to you with this question what would you tell them? Of course you'd tell him to leave. Isn't it enough that he would sleep with someone else while he is in a committed relationship with you, but to not have enough common sense to at least use a condom. He may be the breadwinner and take care of most of the bills, but he doesn't sound to smart. Move on!
Name: Mr. C Age: 36 Radio Station: WHUR 96.3 FM Washington DC Good morning family! Ok, I don't see what the problem is. You live with this man (Shacking up), not married, you allege that he gave you an STD 3 times, you went and got a couple of shots, took some pills and are now cured of the STD, you stayed with this man...he says you are not "freaky enough" and that's why he goes elsewhere. However, you are STILL there...so again, I don't see what the problem is. The man is being completely honest with you. He TOLD you that he is getting the cookie from other women and yes, he really is sorry that you contracted an STD. The man is not lying to you. There is no need to tell you to leave this man. Remember, in your town, he is the BEST man available and at least you have a man. Even your girlfriends are jealous because YOU have a man and they don't. (haha) (Note: If you are the smartest person among your friends, get better friends.) Have a great day family.
Name: MR CARR Age: 51 Radio Station: WMXD 92.3 FM Detroit, MI Good morning Everybody ,Ms Lady , it appears that you've locked your mind in this state of unnecessary immoral confusion .Look baby ,It ain't that much love in this world that should make you dishonor your damn self and risk your OWN health because ,"HE IS THE BREAD WINNER ".Woman ,YOU need to evaluate yourself and decide , do I like him more than I love my life .The bottom line here is ,YOU'ER playin a dangerous game with your life and also consider yourself blessed in knowing YOU ain't got the HIV virus, however, if YOU keep putting yourself through this madness,it could very well end up being your FATE ......OUT! >>>>>>OBAMA 2008<<<<<<<
Name: Madeline Age: 55 Radio Station: WMXD 92.3 FM Detroit, MI Dear Needing Advice, Are you NUTS? Get as far away from this nasty dog as soon as you can. Get you a place within your budget and fly like an eagle. He don't care for you. He's just nasty. Not protecting you or him. If he's having unprotected sex with any yahoo out there and infecting himself, he couldn't care that much for you. Find you someone who cares. He doesn't. It's better to be alone and healthy, than with someone that could give you something that could kill you, without caring.
Name: playah-x Age: 26 Radio Station: WDAS 105.3 FM Philadelphia, PA Type your Comment Here Good Morning Family.... I watched Black in America last night. Ladies please watch it tonight about BLACK MEN. To the letter writer, I will not try to degrade or put you down. I am just going to be real honest. At this point your "MAN" is no longer to blame. Why?, because you are letting this happen. I think the real reason you continue in this UNHEALTHY relationship was indicated by you. You said he PROVIDES. Meaning money is one of if the the main reason you are staying. Is it worth getting AIDS because you want to have cable, or a new car, or a new hair style. What are you doing with your money that you cannot support yourself and be independent. Lastly, I understand about LOVE, and trust me there are millions of brothers who do the right thing. The brother you are with however chooses to play you, because you play yourself, and you play him. He is paying for your sex, and your (sorry to say) self imposed stupidity and self imposed "I am a victim in this realtionship" Come on my sister do you really not know that your life is on the line here?? There are always two sides(stories) to any relationship are we being told everything?, and at this point does it really matter, GET OUT, or stay cause the money is good. Playah-x
Name: Shelly J Age: 39 Radio Station: WDAS 105.3 FM Philadelphia, PA Hate to say it....but YOU ARE A FOOL FOR STAYING !!!!!!!!!!! YOU NEED TO STOP TALKING AND GET WALKING !!!!!!!!!! You DON'T need a man that HURTS you, You can take care of yourself! Pick yourself up and work harder, get another job if you have to but GET OUT!!!!! BEFORE HE KILLS YOU!!!!!! Then once you get yourself together a NEW MAN will come into your life.
Name: Lewis Lloyd Age: 32 Radio Station: WDAS 105.3 FM Philadelphia, PA She is a dang fool. This man is just trifflin. As for her so called friends who says to her at least she has a man, they are probably the ones that gave him the STD. As far as needing advice she don't need advice she needs to get a clue and remember the old saying you can do bad by yourself.
Name: shelly Age: 31 Radio Station: WBAV 101.9 FM Charlotte, NC Hello to everyone, as for you needing advice I don't know but I think I know who you are and the reason could be because I'm dealing with that same person. If I was you I would leave him alone and I'm telling you this because that's what I did. Your body is not suppose to be a dumping ground for STDS.
Name: Lady T-Mac Age: 30 Radio Station: WBAV 101.9 FM Charlotte, NC Good morning Steve and the crew....All I have to say is you need to leave him alone. That is just an excuse to justify why he cheated and will continue to cheat. Did you watch the Black in America report last night about AIDS killing young black women? How do you think black women are getting AIDS? They're getting AIDS from sorry @$$ man who treat the world like a bag of Lays potato chips"You could never eat just one". He knew that he had a STD each time, but to keep from getting caught right away he was willing to give it to you. That is how alot of men think. If he is willing to give you a STD with no remorse what make you think he will not give you AIDS. Love yourself sister and be strong, and leave that dog alone. Most of the time you can give a man everything he want, and that still would not stop him from cheating. Keep that in mind. Go to God, and Love yourself enough to not be another statistic of AIDS in young black women. We are the ones that have to break that cycle.
Name: Kim Age: 25 Radio Station: WBAV 101.9 FM Charlotte, NC Dear needing advice, Just like the last comment, I believe that you need to wake up and start loving yourself and find out who you are and what you want to do with your life. You are too precious and you need someone that will respect you and honor you as the woman that you are, but it starts with you. One piece advice that I will say is that you have to train people how to treat you. If you continue to allow this man to treat you this way he will continue to do what he is doing and maybe next time it will not be gonorrhea but much worse AIDS. Value your life and get out of the relationship. You can do all things with Christ who loves you and cares for you and He will provide. This man may supply just the bills but just know that Christ will supply all of your needs. I am not trying to be all spritual but I am telling you absolute truth. Also, you need to change your circle of friends because apparently they do not have your best interest at heart. Surround yourself with people that will build you and help you to reach your goals. Don't settle for anything especially a man who is not your husband. What God has for you is for you and just know that you are a great person and you don't need someone treating you like that. Take a stand and move on...
Name: nikki Age: 37 Radio Station: WUHT 107.7 FM Birmingham, AL Girlfriend, you don't need any advice you need to get the hell out of that so called relationship. No amount of money is worth your health. Do you not realize you are putting your own health in jeopardy. You need stop depending on this miniuture of a man and provide for yourself. You are making women look bad- most men already think we as women will do anything for money. LEAVE LEAVE LEAVE.
Name: Jalena Age: 25 Radio Station: WWDM 101.3 FM Columbia, SC Baby you can do bettter the first time you got it you should have packed your bags and left.What if he gave you AIDS what would you do then. life is to short to be any man fool. Leave him
Name: YOUNG RESPECTABLE AND LOVING LIFE Age: 25 Radio Station: KDKS 102.1 FM Shreveport, LA I AM A YOUNG WOMAN IN THE DATING WORLD ALSO AND FEEL THAT YOU MUST FIRST HAVE RESPECT FOR YOUR SELF AS A PERSON AS WELL AS A WOMAN. I ALSO FEEL THAT YOU SHOULD NOT LET ANYONE DETERMINE YOUR FATE NOR YOUR FUTURE.I HAVE BEEN DATING THE SAME GUY FOR OVER SIX YEARS AND CONTINUE TO PRACTICE SAFE SEX OF ALL KINDS REGARDLESS OF THE MOOD,TIMING OR ANY OTHER CIRCUMSTANCES AT ALL TIMES. IT IS NOT ABOUT THE FACT THAT I THINK HE IS UNFAITHFUL BUT THE FACT THAT I DONT THINK I SHOULD TRUST MY LIFE BEING UP TO A MAN.THERE ARE SO MANY STD'S THAT ARE OUT THERE TODAY AND AIDS IS KILLING OUR COMMUNITY AND DESTROING FAMILIES. AND IF YOUR FRIENDS WERE TRUE FRIENDS THAT WOULD NOT OFFER THIS ADVICE AND MAYBE THEY JUST DONT KNOW ANY BETTER. LIFE IS IMPORTANT AND SHOULD BE TREASURED YOU SHOULD NOT STAY WITH A MAN WHO DOES NOT LOVE NOR RESPECT YOU FOR WHO YOU ARE AND WANT YOU TO TRY OR DO THINGS THAT YOU ARE UNCOMFORTABLE WITH. SURROUND YOURSELF WITH EDUCATED WOMEN WHO VALUE LIFE, THEMSELVES AND MOST OF ALL RESPECT THEMSELVES. AND DONT TRUST ANYONE WITH YOUR LIFE UNTIL AFTER YOU STAND IN FRONT OF GOD AND MAKE IT OFFICIAL.
Name: webbgurl2000 Age: 39 Radio Station: WBGA 92.7 FM Brunswick, GA Lay down with dogs; get up with fleas! Run Girl, Run! You deserve better. Also, while running from this Canine boyfriend of yours, dump your low class girlfriends, too. I would never tell any woman I know to stay with a habitual cheater. It's amazing the rules men have for women in relationships. He is running a mind game on you! Don't fall for it! Here is what you deserve: To love yourself, and to have a man that loves and honors you. I know that everyone says there is a man shortage, but there wouldn't be if women stopped putting them out there like that. What are you going to get next from Him? What happens if he gives you AIDS? I have a 2 cousins and and aunt that died from the Disease because THEY WOULD NOT LISTEN! Pack your grip and split!
Name: Lavern K. Age: 48 Radio Station: WAMJ 102.5 FM Atlanta, GA Hon, what is going on with you?? You live with a man who is not committed to you, yet you continue to put yourself at risk by having unprotected sex with him! This letter is not about your "friends" telling you to stay with him or his "cheating", nasty, trifling ways. It's about the standards you have set for yourself and why DISREPECTFUL BEHAVIOR is OK with YOU. Sweetie, you cannot do anything about what you DON'T KNOW....but when you KNOW....then YOU ARE CHOOSING.. Ask yourself why YOU are self-destructive....gonorrhea three times already...AIDES is knocking on your door! Get a clue. Redirect your energy from this man and get yourself together. Get your own place and pay your own bills while you figure out WHY you CHOSE THAT guy and understand that YOU TAUGHT him how to treat YOU. He continually shows you WHO he is and how he FEELS about you. Do yourself a favor and believe his ACTIONS. Wake UPPPPP!! Stop using the word "LOVE" to justify bad choices!!! You are "Ms. Right NOW" dear, a man will never marry a woman he doesn't RESPECT....i.e. he does what he does because he WANTS to and because he CAN PERIOD. Your sexual skills or lack there of is game hon. In his mind, he PAYS the price you've set for YOUR SELF WORTH..the BILLS.....Ponder that. YOU are responsible for YOUR happiness in life. When you know better, DO better....good luck.
Name: TO BLKYNMON Age: 65 Radio Station: WAMJ 102.5 FM Atlanta, GA SERIOUSLY, DO YOU HAVE TO MAKE YOUR COMMENTS A BOOK EVERYTIME? GET REAL!
Name: Ms T Age: 43 Radio Station: WMKS 105.7 Greensboro, NC Bread winner or no bread winner you are just STUPID. Gonorrhea if left untreated can kill you. Gonorrhea is like herpes you never get rid of it. It can go to your brain. Baby leave why you still can. Be independent, learn it, it is a slow road but you can do it.He is your Grim Reaper. Don't do any sex period. Let him go completely and let and the cat he rolled with continue to re-infect each other. Let the zero go.....
Name: Dirty Redd Age: 40 Radio Station: WRBO 103.5 Memphis, TN THE LIGHTS ARE ON, BUT NOBODY IS AT HOME. Something in your brain is fundamentally broken if you allow a person to burn you three times, and you still mull over the relationship. Baby girl I understand that moving on ain�t an easy thang, especially in your case being all financially dependent on this dude. Regarding his experimental sex request, this cat is probably watching these porn movies and wanting to emulate. Oh let me tell you baby girl they are doing some nasty shigity now days. They are poking every hole, then licking, spiting and all kind of craziness. If that ain�t you, it ain�t you; don�t compromise. Bottom line is you need to roll before you catch some mess you can�t get rid of. Baby girl, search for ways to improve upon your self-esteem, standards and expectations.
Name: CRYSTAL Age: 25 Radio Station: WAGH 101.3 FM Columbus, GA Needing advice I think there's more to this letter that's why you won't leave. I believe you are married to this man and you also have kids by him. one thing for sure you are crazy in love but please get out now because it seems like he's a nempho and he's going to continue because you already let him by three times. Get some help girly and get out quick, you seem to be intellingent from your letter so use it wisely
Name: Miss C Age: 27 Radio Station: WVKL 95.7 FM Norfolk, VA One day he's gonna bring home something that you can't get rid of (HIV). Get rid of that LOSER. He don't love you if he did he wouldn't cheat no matter what. Also, you have ignorant friends. You don't need a man to be happy. If you feel that you do, there are plenty of men out there who will at least be smart enough to wear a condom. GET OUT NOW OR HIV IS NEXT! P.S. Find new friends because they ain't about nothing either.
Name: Kevin Age: 22 Radio Station: WVKL 95.7 FM Norfolk, VA You have been infected three times and you dont know what you should do? You say this is your man and you feel as if yoou are obligated through your role in the relationship to please him sexually, but for one yall is not married and two if you playin by the rules, why do you deem it neccessary to devalue disrespect yourself and allow this foolishness to continue. And on top of that he had the nerve to justify his selfish behavior by puttin it off on you? He has gonorrehea!!! He's lucky your letter aint comin from jail. I know some sistas that would of woooo!!! I dont care what kind of smoke screen he has provided for you through financial stability, but my grandmother taught me somethin a long time ago that I have carried with me throughout everything I do. A house is only as strong as its foundation. The house, in this situation, is you relationship, and your foundation is built on bubble gum and spit. You can do bad all by yourself, but know theres only one man that will never let you go without and thats GOD.
Name: Gennell Age: 43 Radio Station: WVKL 95.7 FM Norfolk, VA Hello SHMS crew and Deion! As for "Needing advice", you know what you need to do but I'll tell you in case you're still not sure. 1st-Leave that man because 3 times is the deal breaker. You don't owe him a D$^%# thing! There is no way in H#$@ you should have to put up with this regardless of how well he supports you financially. If you need to, get a 2nd job to take care of business. Stop letting him keep a hold on you because he is the "bread winner". Make your own bread sister! 2nd- RUN,not walk, to the doctor to get tested. 3rd-Cut your so called friends loose because they are STUPID with a capital S!!! Having a man but being disrespected by that man is worse than having no man at all. My sister friends would never cosign such foolishness. Please do what's best for you! Be blessed and be strong sista.
Name: SHIRLEY Age: 40 Radio Station: WBTP 95.7 FM Tampa, FL NO MAN IN WORTH YOUR STATEOF HEALTH. THANK GOD IS WAS NOT HIV. GET COMFORTABLE WITH PAYING YOUR OWE BILLS,THIS WAY YOUR LIFE WILL NOT CHANGE FROM YOUR COMFORT ZONE WHEN YOU HAVE-MUST LET HIM GO.
Name: sharon Age: 44 Radio Station: WJHM 101.9 FM Orlando, FL who told you "at least you have a man" that is not a real man. you must also take responsiability. a man will only treat you as bad as you let him.i mean seriously, just how many times must you contract a std, to know he keeps putting you in danger.this is for your life ...L E A V E H I M !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Name: tonya Age: 37 Radio Station: WKKV 100.7 FM Milwaukee, WI Do you really need the show to tell you that this is not good for you? What are you waiting for? you know what needs to be done here if you dont do somthing now you will go to the doctor one day and what if he tells you you have the monster and it can not be fix by taking a pill or getting a shot. If he is going to sleep around and not use any protection you do not need him in your life just walk away and do it today dont look back not even for a second. good luck!
Name: kayelbe47 Age: 47 Radio Station: WQUE 93.3 FM New Orleans, LA Your onece, twice, three times a dumba%$. AIDS- What are you thinking, this man is AIDS dangerous. He keep practicing unsafe AIDS sex. Three cases of STD, and he pay the bills is enough AIDS you are selling yourself like an idiot. Your friends tell you AIDS at least you got a man and now you have AIDS to ask us. Do you know who he is experimenting with, AIDS man maybe gay and having unprotected sex AIDS. I am glad he pay your AIDS bills but, he is still very irresponsible. I can not believe you are still having sex with him, AIDS that is a big turn off to me. Gurl run, learn to love yourself and AIDS pay your own bills. When and if you turn 22, you will look AIDS back on this and say, I can not believe I stayed with him. I hope you don't AIDS have kids, they face the potential of being devastated because of your actions. Yes your actions, AIDS your DA choose to stay 3 times and your DA is thinking about walking on the wild AIDS side to please your man. He is not even AIDS trying to please you.
Name: Missy Age: 45 Radio Station: WBTJ 106.5 FM Richmond, VA Dear Needing Advice: I am a true believer in no sex before marriage. If this man really loved you, he would not put you in danger, or demand "experimental" sex from you if you are uncomfortable with it. A true man would put your needs before his own. My advice: Get to stepping because he will continue to do you wrong. Also, get in touch with yourself, because it sounds like you feel you have to have a man when you should be working on your own self-esteem right now. Build up your confidence, and go looking around. There are other men out there, good ones, who will treat you right.
Name: candy Age: 32 Radio Station: WBTJ 106.5 FM Richmond, VA girl first of all just let me say since none of your friends have any common sense to tell you that your stupid. your health is not worth trying to keep some selfish self centered man happy if he wants someone to do tricks for him tell him to buy a dog. You should have more confidence or self esteem about your self to tell yourself that this relationship is not for you or good for you. Especially if your looking for some type of commitment it will never happen with this man because the inevitable is already happening. I think you should get out now. You have a job no children with this man no reals ties. Don't even pack just get up and leave now.
Name: Tasha Age: 3 Radio Station: WBTJ 106.5 FM Richmond, VA Good morning family, I listen to you guys all the time and love the show. Now down to business. I don't know how old this woman is or if she's black or white or whatever. Honestly, it doesnt matter. Honey, apparently you have EXTREMELY low self esteem and for some reason you think that he is the best you can do. Trust me....he is NOT. Don't you know that you are fearfully and wonderfully made?! God doesn't make mess! You can do so much better. I know you love him but do you love you? He is on his way to killing you and you are waiting with open arms. Thank God so far you have been able to cure what he has given you, next time you may not be so lucky. Honey, since you need advice...here's some. Drop him right where he stands. Pick yourself up and move on. I know you love him and it will hurt for a while...but so does dying. He doesn't love nor respect you in any way, that is apparent. Leave him quickly and dont look back.
Name: Tiffany P/ Age: 37 Radio Station: WUBT 101.1 FM Nashville, TN Girlfriend (need advice) My adivse for you is get a second JOB! Dump that trash!!! AND, Get new friends--Just call me girl. We are going to get you some help too. You don't need friend's to tell you, "At least you have a man". Have respect for yourself. You don't need someone to lie, cheat and mess with your health. Make sure you have an HIV/AIDS test also. He doesn't care enough about you to protect himself from STD's then he is not worth your air and time.